oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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