He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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