College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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