But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
