you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
