Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
