the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
