i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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