she woke up with a sticky ear
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
