I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize