dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
