Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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