There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
