i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
