that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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