I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
