someone owes me an orgasm
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
