oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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