hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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