I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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