Sorry, I don't speak sober.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
