It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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