I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
