I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
