me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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