He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
