You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
