It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
