Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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