i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
