I want to walk on stilts...naked
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
