wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
