Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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