I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
