final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize