I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
