i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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