Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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