i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
