so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
