The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
