I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize