Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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