I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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