got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
