I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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