I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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