i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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