I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
ttyl tear gas
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
