You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Floor bacon is actually really good
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
