the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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