Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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