I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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