you guys were way drunker than both of me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
