I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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