Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
