Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
