Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
