I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
