Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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