even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
