So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
