...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
