Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
