I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize