im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
