Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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