Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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