dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
