I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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