Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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