Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize