Princesses don't give blow jobs
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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