Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
