started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
