shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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