My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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