I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
