i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
should my penis look like a turkey
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
