I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize