I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
