what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
