sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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