Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
