Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
