There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
