I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
