She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
