So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
