I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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