I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
