The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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