I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Boobs are out for the taking
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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