She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
