what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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