The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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