I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
