my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
