Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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