If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
