I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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