I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
