I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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